I’ve been reading the Psalms this summer. Or rather, I’ve been reading a few of them repeatedly. I love the honest fist-shaking, the wholehearted joy-singing, the raw emotion coupled with an unfailing return to praise and obedience and worship.
But that’s not why I’ve been reading the Psalms. I’m reading them—slowly, and often—because parts are difficult for me.
When I read, “He who sits in the heavens laughs; the Lord has them in derision” (Psalm 2:4), it makes me uncomfortable. I don’t like the thought of God deriding anyone. It doesn’t fit my idea of what a loving God is like.
When I read, “If you test me, you will find no wickedness in me” (Psalm 17:3), well, I wish I could say that honestly, but… I can’t.
So I’ve decided that the way to address what makes me squirm is to dig deeper. I read two or three Psalms slowly and take note of my thoughts. I read the same Psalms again, and pray about the things I don’t understand. I read a third time, and acclimate my heart a little better. Sometimes I look up a commentary, sometimes I talk to my husband. The following day I do it all again. Often it takes a week or more before I move on.
It helps. I’m never going to be thrilled to say, “Happy shall he be who takes your little ones and dashes them against the rock!” (Psalm 137:9), but hey—it’s there. It’s real. It’s Scripture. And instead of shying away from that, I need to look at it as an opportunity: to pray about it, understand more, and know God better.
